What happens if you’ve worked SO hard to ditch your food rules, eat intuitively, but… you STILL don’t like the weight you’re at, which very well may be your set point weight. What do you do?! This post will tell you how to love your body- regardless of what your set point weight may be.

don't like your set point weight

What Is A Set Point Weight?

First off, if you haven’t read my blog post on what is a set point weight, be sure to do that. But, basically, it’s the weight that you body WANTS to be. The weight that you can maintain (within a range!) effortlessly. It is where your body functions optimally.

In order to find your set point weight we’ve got to stop dieting, stop listening to our bogus food rules and learn how to eat intuitively. The biggest fear of doing this is “But…what is going to happen to my WEIGHT?!” And honestly, we can’t know that! You might gain weight, lose weight, or maintain weight. I’ve seen each of these things happen to women inside of my membership, The SociEATy, and none of these outcomes are bad.

What If I Don’t Like My Set Point Weight?

So, you’ve found what you thiiiiink might be your set point weight. This means you’ve broken your food rules, you’re not restricting, and your weight is remaining pretty much steady without any effort. BUT… you’re feeling blue because you were hoping it would be different. Maybe you thought you’d get back to your 21 year old weight. Maybe you thought you’d fit into your old skinny jeans again. But that didn’t happen. Here are a few tips I have that might help you learn to come to terms and make peace with your new body.

Focus On Your Why

Focus on the reasons you wanted to find food freedom in the first place. Was it to enjoy time with your family without being preoccupied about calories? Be able to go on date night and not starve yourself before? To set a positive example for your kids (real or future!)? Whatever that “why” was, remember that. Make it the background of your phone. Write it out daily. Put a sticky not of that somewhere, anywhere, everywhere!

Remember Our Bodies Are Meant To Change

As we go through life our bodies are SUPPOSED to change! So if you’re holding on to the body size and shape you had earlier in life, it’s time to let that go. You’re a new person. So many more lived experiences, so much more wisdom. Remember that our bodies changing is a normal part of life and we ALL deal with it! I can totally say that mine 100% is changing as I am again! I can see it, I can feel it. But I remind myself this is normal. This is meant to happen. And I try to see it as exciting because it means I am LIVING!

Separate Your Self Worth From Your Body

This is so key. So many times we wrap our worth in our bodies. We think we are less than if we have a larger body than we used to, or that we’ve “failed”. This is not true. This is diet culture‘s pesky little words trying to lure you back into their grasps to spend more money trying to fix something that isn’t broken. You are not broken!

I recommend writing a list of characteristics about yourself that make you you. Are you kind? Compassionate? Hard working? A good mother? etc. These things make you YOU. Not your weight. Look at this list daily!

Know This Process Of Acceptance Won’t Happen Overnight

It’s easy to read these tips and think “yeah… RIGHT…”. And I’ll be honest with you, it’s tough. It takes time. You might need to grieve what you thought your set point weight was going to be. Give yourself space and grace to do so. Surround yourself with a supportive community to help lift you up when you’re feeling blue and to help you make peace. You are so much more than a body!

I think it’s time to get real with ourselves and say “What is more important to me: my health or being thin.” Tough love but that’s really what it comes down to! When we diet, that’s not healthy. When we find the weight our body WANTS to be and functions optimally at AND we have our mental health back? Yeah. That’s health.

accept your set point weight

What If I Don’t Know That I Am At My Set Point Weight?

Sometimes it can be tricky to tell if you’re at your set point weight or not. I do firmly believe that you will be mentally and physically comfortable when you reach this point. This means you’re not stressing or obsessing over food, you’re enjoy life’s experiences and your feeling energized and nourished. Some say to think back to a time before we dieted and where our weight was stable. Some day to look to other family members who have never dieted and maintain a weight effortlessly, also having a healthy relationship with food. But with this it’s also important to keep in mind that with every diet our body can increase its set point weight to protect itself from future diets. There really is no way to say “hey, this is what my set point weight will be!” As scary as it is, ya just gotta go with it!

It’s also important to note that our set point weight is a RANGE. So fluctuations are normal. Some say it can be up to 10-20 lbs in either direction! Some times in our life we might be at the higher or lower end. That’s okay. Neither of those are bad. Focus on how you feel.

Side note: I know we’re talking about weight and you might be thinking you need to weigh yourself but.. DON’T! I have an entire post talking about when to weigh yourself here!

It’s also important to understand the intuitive eating weight gain process. It’s not always a linear line to get to your set point weight. You may go above, below, or have more weight fluctuations during your journey there. Give it time.

Let me know what you think of these tips and what your fave one is in the comments! I love hearing from you!

Remember, you’re more than a body. You are so much more!

Happy food rule breaking,



Want more blog posts like this? You might like these:

stop feeling fat
how to explain intuitive eating
how to stop thinking about food